I used to believe that if I just held on tightly enough — kept the plates spinning, the deadlines met, the people around me okay — then I’d be okay, too.
But life has a funny way of asking different questions than the ones we think we’re answering. Mine came crashing in, one heartbreak at a time, until I found myself asking something I never thought I would:
What if letting go is the only way to truly gain control?
From 2019 to 2021, I was tested in ways I wouldn't wish on anyone. My brother took his own life. One of my dearest friends passed away from ALS. My mother was diagnosed with leukemia. I braced myself for a year of grief, not knowing that the worst was still ahead.
Then, the pandemic hit, shrinking my workforce by two-thirds. I needed to take on roles I wasn’t trained for — IT director, crisis manager and emotional anchor. Among all of this professional stress, my mother passed away and I lost both of my beloved dogs, who had been by my side for over a decade. And then came the final blow: In early 2021, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Even then, I thought I could power through. I’d go through surgery, bounce back and get right back to work. That’s what strong people do, right?
I finally had to admit the truth: I couldn’t keep doing it all.
But somewhere in the quiet moments of recovery, I finally had to admit the truth: I couldn’t keep doing it all. Not if I wanted to live — really live. Not if I wanted to heal. And not if I wanted my company to thrive beyond just my own grit.
The Hardest Decision Of My Life
So, I made the hardest decision of my professional life: I stepped down as CEO.
That sentence still stings a little. Because I loved that role. I was that role. Building my company had been more than a career — it was how I made sense of the world. It gave me purpose, identity and stability. And letting it go felt like unraveling a piece of myself.
But there was another truth, too. I wasn’t leaving it to chance — I was leaving it in the hands of my daughter, Danielle, who had been our COO. I had watched her grow into a natural leader with ideas, vision and strength of her own. She had already earned her seat at the table. The only thing left was for me to let go of mine.
Still, it was terrifying. Would she be okay? Would the company be okay? Would I be okay?
Turns out, we all were. More than that — we grew.
Trusting, Delegating And Resting
As Danielle stepped into the CEO role, I stepped into something new: Chief Technology Officer. That title let me focus on the innovative projects I love most. The ones that always sparked my curiosity and passion. I started spending more time in the flow of creativity than in the grind of operations. I started sleeping better. I laughed more. I saw my family more. I breathed again.
And slowly, I started to realize something I hadn’t before: I hadn’t really been in control for a long time. I’d just been clinging tightly to the illusion of it. The truth is, white-knuckling your way through life doesn’t protect you from its storms — it just makes your hands too full to catch the gifts that come after.
I thought stepping back would make me feel small. Instead, it gave me the space to feel whole.
To be clear, this wasn’t some breezy, graceful handoff. It was messy. It was emotional. There were moments when I second-guessed everything. But I kept coming back to this strange, liberating idea:
Control isn’t about holding on tighter. It’s about knowing when to trust, when to delegate and when to rest.
For most of my life, I had equated leadership with doing and solving. I equated it with pushing forward no matter what. But real leadership, I’ve learned, also means creating space for others to rise. And sometimes, it means stepping aside so the next chapter can begin — for your company and for yourself.
Today, I still work and I still lead. But I lead differently. I now carve out time for the things I used to postpone — art, family, stillness or even just a walk without my phone. I’m healing in ways I didn’t know I needed. And I’m watching my daughter flourish in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
The Most Powerful Kind Of Leadership
If you’re reading this and you’re in the thick of it, if you’re overwhelmed, burned out and scared to loosen your grip, I see you. I know what it’s like to wonder if stepping back means failure, weakness or being forgotten.
But I also know what’s waiting on the other side.
Letting go of the role that defined me gave me the chance to rediscover the person underneath. It gave my company a stronger foundation. And it gave my daughter the room to lead boldly in her own way.
It gave my company a stronger foundation.
Control, as it turns out, isn’t always about being at the center of everything. Sometimes it’s about building something strong enough that it doesn’t need you to be. That might just be the most powerful kind of leadership there is.
So if life is asking you a question you’re afraid to answer — if your body, your family and your spirit are begging for you to pause — listen.
You might be surprised at what grows in the space where you let go.
Leigh White is the Founder and Chief Technology Officer of Myriad Advisor Solutions.
