World’s Best Column Mothballed Because No One Reads It – Not Even Larry!
I thought you loved me! Didn’t I brighten your day by recounting the most unusual and unsettling stories of the month from the financial services press? But no! A harsh reality lay in wait in the recesses of the website traffic data: This column has fared poorly. All it took was the right data scan to demonstrate that this bizarre news roundup has lurched toward irreparable decline for a long time.
You see, at WSR we align our content to fit reader feedback and preferences, and your lack of preference for my work is written all over the data. I ruffled too many feathers of Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s fabled black swan and now that swan is singing a requiem for Bizarre Industry Bazaar.
At most media outlets they bury their failures quietly, but at WSR, we broadcast them! Larry gave me one last chance to say goodbye. To be clear, I’m not leaving WSR. I’m just busted down from featured columnist to cleaning toilets. You will still find me summarizing press releases and writing intros. In other words, ChatGPT will take my job in five years.
For all three fans of this column, thank you very much for giving meaning to my existential abandonment. For those of you who stopped reading – you literally won’t read what I write here.
But I will write something anyway: In the infamous words of Richard Nixon, “You don’t have Nixon to kick around anymore, because, gentlemen, this is my last press conference.”
Larry may let me come back from time to time as a filler when things get slow, but don’t count on it. In all likelihood, I will plant my divorced posterior in my one-bedroom apartment in Phoenix as the heat soars into the triple digits again and look out on the desolate landscape of congenital optimists who can’t appreciate the finer things of writing and philosophy.
James Miller, Contributing Editor & Research Analyst at Wealth Solutions Report, can be reached at ContributingEd@wealthsolutionsreport.com.
